draft Create logical paragraphs, apply appropriate style, and use the right tone

Build Logical Paragraphs
Perfect Your Style: Be Clear, Be Concise, and Be Concrete
Strike the Right Chord: Use Proper Tone

Take a look at this illustration.

Parable of the tire on the tree.

The well-known, semi-cultish parable of the tire swing depicted in this image demonstrates the value of clear, concise, concrete communication.

As Irish playwright and critic George Bernard Shaw said, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

As a business writer, you want to create pathways of understanding that enable your audience to effortlessly understand and execute ideas. Mastering this skill in writing will make you invaluable in any workplace.

This chapter discusses how to draft logical paragraphs, apply stylistic rules that achieve clarity, and strike the proper tone to reach your audience.

Build logical paragraphs

Logical paragraphs—whether in an email, report, or presentation—should be unified, coherent, organized, developed, and should be about three to five sentences long.

Unified Paragraphs Stay on Topic

A unified paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that articulates the paragraph’s main idea or purpose. Paragraphs require strong topic sentences because readers only skim documents. As William Zinser, an American writer and literary critic, has said,

"The most important sentence in any paragraph is the first one. If it does not induce the reader to proceed to the second sentence, your paragraph is dead."

Supporting sentences offer additional details, examples, evidence, or explanations that reinforce and expand on the topic sentence.

The transition sentence wraps up one paragraph and transitions to the next—like an exit ramp to a new road.

Coherent Paragraphs Build Logical Flow and
Smooth Connections

Paragraph coherence refers to the logical flow and smooth connections between sentences within the paragraph.

Coherent paragraphs use transition words or phrases like however, in addition, or in contrast to connect and organize ideas in logical relationships.

By ensuring that the ideas within the paragraph are logically connected, coherent paragraphs provide a seamless reading experience.

Organized Paragraphs Arrange Ideas

symbol of a pyramid

Organized paragraphs focus on the overall structure and arrangement of ideas within the paragraph.

Organized paragraphs use the most logical sequence of the information. For example, chronology, sequence, hierarchy, cause and effect, or problem-solution.

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Developed Paragraphs Provide Relevant Support

symbol of finding evidence

Development focuses on expanding and supporting the main idea with specific details, examples, evidence, and explanations.

By doing more showing than telling, well-developed paragraphs provide relevant and compelling information that enhances the impact and understanding of the main idea. It adds depth and substance to the paragraph, making the overall writing more informative, persuasive, or compelling.

To develop paragraphs, you should provide illustrations, cite credible secondary sources, offer personal anecdotes, include expert opinions, or include testimonials.

Create a Paragraph Example (click here)

RealmQuest: Rise of Legends offers an unparalleled gaming experience that immerses players in a vivid and captivating virtual world. With stunning graphics, intricate storytelling, and an array of engaging quests, the game seamlessly transports players to fantastical realms where they can embark on epic adventures and overcome formidable challenges. The attention to detail in the game design and the immersive sound effects further enhance the gameplay experience, allowing players to truly feel like they are part of the richly crafted universe. Whether it's exploring ancient ruins, battling mythical creatures, or unraveling hidden mysteries, RealmQuest: Rise of Legends provides an interactive and deeply engaging experience that keeps players immersed for hours on end. The combination of compelling gameplay mechanics and immersive visuals with a captivating narrative makes RealmQuest: Rise of Legends a standout gaming experience that captivates players from start to finish.

RealmQuest: Rise of Legends offers an unparalleled gaming experience that immerses players in a vivid and captivating virtual world.

This sentence introduces the main idea of the paragraph, setting the stage for the subsequent sentences that support and expand upon this idea.

With stunning graphics, intricate storytelling, and an array of engaging quests, the game seamlessly transports players to fantastical realms where they can embark on epic adventures and overcome formidable challenges.

This sentence provides specific details about the game's features, explaining how it creates an immersive experience through its stunning graphics, intricate storytelling, and engaging quests. The sentence flows logically from the introduction, elaborating on how these elements contribute to the immersive experience.

The attention to detail in the game design and the immersive sound effects further enhance the gameplay experience, allowing players to truly feel like they are part of the richly crafted universe.

This sentence continues the discussion of immersive elements by highlighting the attention to detail in the game design and the immersive sound effects. It logically connects to the previous sentence, explaining how these aspects contribute to the overall experience of feeling like a part of the virtual world.

Whether it's exploring ancient ruins, battling mythical creatures, or unraveling hidden mysteries, RealmQuest: Rise of Legends provides an interactive and deeply engaging experience that keeps players immersed for hours on end.

This sentence provides examples of the activities players can engage in within the game, showcasing the diverse and captivating gameplay experiences available. It logically follows the previous sentences, illustrating how these interactive elements contribute to the overall immersion and engagement of players.

The combination of compelling gameplay mechanics and immersive visuals with a captivating narrative makes RealmQuest: Rise of Legends a standout gaming experience that captivates players from start to finish.

This concluding sentence summarizes the paragraph, reiterating the coherence by highlighting the combination of gameplay mechanics, visuals, and narratives that make RealmQuest: Rise of Legends a standout and captivating gaming experience. It logically ties together the main points discussed throughout the paragraph, providing a cohesive ending to the ideas presented.

Keep Your Paragraphs Short

Don’t make paragraphs so long that they appear uninviting to read.

Business paragraphs should not be so long that the reader gives up. You are not writing a novel or a doctoral thesis, so keep your email, report, and other document paragraphs short.

Example: Here Is the Last Paragraph, but Shorter

RealmQuest: Rise of Legends provides an immersive gaming experience through stunning graphics, intricate storytelling, and engaging quests. With attention to detail in game design and immersive sound effects, players feel fully immersed in the richly crafted universe. Whether exploring ruins, battling creatures, or unraveling mysteries, the game offers an interactive and captivating experience. The combination of compelling gameplay mechanics, immersive visuals, and a captivating narrative makes RealmQuest: Rise of Legends a standout gaming experience that captivates players from start to finish.

Be clear, concise, and concrete

Clear, concise, concrete communication saves time, effort, and stress for you and your audiences and increases the odds of achieving anticipated outcomes.

Clear communication is simple, transparent, easy to understand, and free from ambiguity. A clear message statement conveys its intended meaning, leaving little room for confusion or misinterpretation.

Concise communication respects the audience’s time and attention by conveying clear messages in the fewest words possible without sacrificing the intended meaning. In concise communication, every word directly contributes to the main idea.

Concrete communication uses specific, tangible language that makes the message more vivid and relatable.

Be Clear

Clarity in writing means making your ideas clear and easy to understand so that readers know exactly what you're trying to say.

Clear communicators eliminate ambiguity by preferring active voice; choosing simple, specific, strong words; avoiding expletive subjects; unburying verbs; reducing jargon, cliché, slang, and idiomatic expressions; eliminating vague intensifiers; and using simple language.

Prefer Active Voice

Audience-oriented writing is direct and to the point, so prefer active voice, which means you identify who or what is doing the action:

In passive voice, the subject is either missing or included as an afterthought at the end of the sentence. The object becomes the subject of the sentence, and the verb becomes a form of to be + a past participle of the original verb.

Choose Specific Words

Clear, specific writing ensures that the intended message is easily understood, minimizing the risk of misinterpretation and engaging a broader audience. Skilled communicators adapt their style to balance complexity with simplicity, catering to the needs and understanding of their audiences. If you need the audience to do something, speak their language.

Words like several, recently, many, few, a lot, or substantial are vague. Seek more specific substitutes by asking, How many is many? How many is several? How much is a lot? Nonspecific language lacks not only specificity but also emotional impact, context, and imagery, rendering your message forgettable.

Use Strong, Specific Verbs

You can be using active voice but still be using weak verbs, which are generic. Instead, choose strong verbs that are more specific and concrete.

The table below provides a few examples of weak verbs and stronger possible substitutes.

Strong Verbs Are More Specific (and Concrete)
Do	Taylen did her work.	Finish	Taylen finished her work.
Go	Maddox went to the store.	Rush	Maddox rushed to the store.
Say	Davis said he was sorry.	Apologize	Davis apologized for the mistake.
Make	Lana made a cake.	Bake	Lana baked a cake.
Get	Let's get the interns to plan the training session.	Require	Let's require the interns to plan the training session.

Avoid Expletive Subjects

Before it meant bad words, the word expletives meant empty words. Not swear words, expletive subjects introduce a sentence without adding meaningful content.

From the Latin expletivus, meaning serving to fill out, expletive subjects can be removed without affecting the meaning of the sentence. Remove your expletive subjects to make your sentences clearer and more concise.

The table below provides a few examples of how to easily remove expletive subjects from your writing.

Remove Expletive Subjects from Your Writing
There are	There are five people in line.	Five people are in line.
There is	There is an issue Molly needs to discuss with Stacy.	Molly needs to discuss an issue with Stacy.
It is	It is imperative that all managers sign up for a training session.	All managers must sign up for a training session.

Unbury Your Verbs—Avoid Nominalizations

Nominalizations occur when a verb or adjective is turned into a noun. The process usually involves adding a suffix or changing the word’s form to create a noun.

Ironically, the word nominalization is itself a nominalized word. Avoiding excessive nominalizations gives your sentences a better chance of being clear and more concrete.

The table below provides examples of common nominalizations in business writing.

Unbury Your Verbs—Sparingly Use Nominalizations
Nominalization	Example	Unburied Verb
Came to the conclusion	We came to the conclusion that the project is not feasible.	We concluded that the project is not feasible.
Optimization	The production department's optimization of the work process improved our efficiency.	Production optimized the process and improved efficiency.
Interference	The interference of external factors affects the experiment's results.	External factors interfere with the experiment's results.
Conduct an analysis	After conducting an analysis of the data, Shari confirmed her hypothesis.	After analyzing the data, Shari confirmed her hypothesis.

Nominalizations aren’t always bad, but they can make your writing less concise.

Avoid Jargon, Cliche, Slang, and Idioms

Jargon is technical, specified language that is unclear to a general audience. Clichés are overused expressions or unoriginal phrases. Slang is informal colloquial language. An idiom is an expression whose meaning is different from its literal translation.

Overuse of jargon, clichés, slang, or unfamiliar idiomatic expressions can hinder clarity and create confusion for the audience, particularly those who are not familiar with the specific terms or expressions.

The table below provides examples of jargon, cliché, slang, and idiomatic expressions.

Avoid Jargon, Clichés, Slang, and Idioms
Type	Example	Improved Version
Jargon	Synergy between departments is vital.	Departments must collaborate.
Jargon	We need to leverage our core competencies.	We need to capitalize on our strengths.
Cliché	Think outside the box.	Be innovative.
Cliché	At the end of the day, it's a win-win situation.	Ultimately, it benefits both parties.
Business Slang	Let's have a powwow to discuss the new project.	Let's meet to discuss the new project.
Business Slang	The team needs to get its ducks in a row.	The team needs to get organized.
Idiomatic expression	Let's hit the ground running with this project.	Let's enthusiastically start this project.
Idiomatic expression	This opportunity is a golden goose.	This valuable opportunity is promising.

While some business contexts permit certain jargon or specific idiomatic expressions known to the audience, you should exercise caution to strike the right balance. Use language judiciously and contextually to enhance your messages, maintain professionalism, and meet your audience’s needs.

Avoid Unnecessary, Vague Intensifiers

Vague intensifiers are adverbs that lack specificity, so they do not precisely convey the intended intensity or degree. In your business writing, seek for more precise words that paint a clearer picture about degree and intensity.

The table below provides a few examples of vague intensifiers and more specific substitutes. Notice that the substitutes are longer but that they never compromise clarity for concision.

Vague Intensifier	Example	More Concrete Intensifier
Really	The stock is really high.	Peaking at $125 per share in after-hours trading, the stock is at an all-time high.
Very	The weather was very hot.	The 100-degree heat and 80% humidity forced us to move the training indoors.
Pretty	The workshop was pretty good.	Last week's leadership workshop was the best I've attended this year.
Somewhat	Dalton's performance somewhat improved.	Dalton's quarterly performance improved by 25%.
Quite	The restaurant is quite full.	Every table at the restaurant is booked for the next week.

Eliminate Complex Words

While instances where complex terminology is necessary to convey specific technical or specialized information will arise, prioritize simplicity and clarity in language. 

Don’t buy into the lie that long, complicated, intellectual words make you sound smarter. They don’t. If anything, they make you sound pretentious. The table below provides a few examples of needlessly long words and their simplified versions.

Needlessly Complex Words	Simplified Version
The implementation of this multifaceted, integrated solution is contingent upon securing unanimous concurrence from all relevant stakeholders.	We need everyone's agreement to implement this comprehensive solution.
Our organization is dedicated to the optimization and enhancement of strategic operations through the deployment of cutting-edge, state-of-the-art technologies.	We use advanced technology to improve our strategic operations.
We are experiencing a diminution in our revenue streams due to the prevailing economic circumstances.	Revenue is decreasing because of the recession.
The proposition to establish a joint venture with a foreign conglomerate is under consideration.	We're thinking about partnering with a foreign company.
The company plans to utilize its surplus funds to invest in a new venture.	The company plans to invest its extra funds in new projects.

Be Concise

If someone asks you what time it is, do not tell them how the clock works. Respect your audience’s time and attention by eliminating unnecessary words and phrases and using direct structure. Concise communication enables your audience to quickly grasp key points and make informed decisions. In fast-paced business environments, concision ensures efficient information delivery, enhancing the overall impact and professionalism of the communication.

In addition to eliminating extraneous details and editing vigorously, eliminate redundancies, unnecessary phrases, and unnecessary clauses.

Eliminate Redundancies

Redundancies are unnecessary words or phrases that repeat information already conveyed, reducing concision. The table below provides a few examples of redundancies. Notice that one of the words usually repeats the other word’s meaning.

Redundant Phrase	Acceptable Substitute
Free gift	Gift
Close proximity	Proximity
Merge together	Merge
Collaborate together	Collaborate
Final outcome	Outcome
Refer back	Refer
Future plans	Plans
Past history	History
End result	Result
Basic fundamentals	Fundamentals
The reason is because	Because or reason but not both

Eliminate Unnecessary Prepositional Phrases, Phrasal Verbs, and Relative Clauses

Prepositional phrases are groups of words that begin with a preposition and typically end with a noun or pronoun called the object of the preposition.

Prepositions are words that show the relationship between a noun or pronoun and other elements in a sentence. Prepositional phrases provide additional information about the location, time, manner, or other attributes related to the main part of the sentence.

Because they add descriptive details and context to a sentence, prepositional phrases are a fundamental part of sentence structure.

This section is not directing you to eliminate ALL prepositional phrases, just the wordy ones that can be replaced by shorter adjectives and adverbs.

Phrasal verbs are colloquial expressions that end with a preposition. They usually have a less wordy, less colloquial substitute.

Relative adjective clauses are long and risk becoming misplaced modifiers, as the PROOFREAD chapter teaches.

Your communication will be more concise if you eliminate some relative clauses, making them shorter adjectives that appear before the noun.

The table below shows a few examples of wordy prepositional phrases, phrasal verbs, and relative clauses, next to their improved versions.

Unnecessary Prepositional Phrase	Concise Version
Vaila is a city with a wall around it.	Vaila is a walled city.
Consider the rights of the citizens of Los Angeles.	Consider Los Angeles citizens' rights.
We will meet in the conference room on the second floor of Building H.	We will meet in Building H's second-floor conference room.

Unnecessary Phrasal Verb	Concise Version
Please fill out and turn in the form.	Please complete and submit the form.
Let's come up with some great ideas.	Let's brainstorm some great ideas.
When you talk about your vacation, please leave out the part about standing up to the cops.	When you discuss your vacation, please omit the part about resisting arrest.
When you visit, please pick out the room you prefer.	When you visit, please choose the room you prefer.

Unnecessary Clause	Concise Version
The team, which was highly skilled and experienced, completed the project on time.	The highly skilled, experienced team completed the project on time.
The test that was the most difficult this semester was Calculus II.	Calculus II was my most difficult test of the semester.
The executives loved our report, which was based on extensive research and thorough analysis.	The executives loved our extensively researched, thoroughly analyzed report.
The printer that will replace our old one costs less than I anticipated.	The replacement printer costs less than I anticipated.

Be Concrete

You might be thinking, "The last section just taught me to be brief! How can I be brief and concrete?"

While concision avoids wordiness and keeps the audience’s attention, sacrificing concreteness for the sake of brevity can lead to ambiguity and misunderstanding.

Concrete communication emphasizes specific and vivid language that makes the content more tangible, descriptive, and relatable to the reader. Concrete writing provides specific details, examples, and sensory imagery that make messages memorable and engaging.

The table below provides a few examples that illustrate concrete communication principles.

Principle	Nonconcrete Example	Concrete Example
Use specific details	The customer experienced a high level of satisfaction.	The customer reported a 99% satisfaction level over a five-year contract.
Employ sensory language	The office was pleasant.	The office was filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread, and the soft hum of background music created a productive atmosphere.
Use strong verbs	Daron walked slowly to his car.	Daron shuffled to his car with his head hung low in despair.
Provide examples	The strategy was effective.	The new marketing strategy increased sales by 30% within 3 months.

Use proper tone

In business writing, tone refers to the communication’s attitude or emotion. Tone sets the overall mood of the message and influences how the reader perceives the information. Align tone with the intended purpose and audience, maintaining a professional, polite, confident demeanor.

Confident

Establish a level of confidence that demonstrates credibility but not arrogance. Using hedging language makes a communicator appear less confident.

Polite and Sincere

Use polite language and courteous expressions to maintain a positive and respectful tone. Demonstrate empathy and understanding toward the audience's perspective and concerns.

Professional

Business writing often requires a formal tone, reflecting professionalism and respect for the audience. You don’t have to use a formal tone in all your communication, but you should know your audience well enough to know the difference. What you think is humorous or cheeky might be offensive to your audience.

Inclusive

Adopt a nondiscriminatory inclusive tone by avoiding language or expressions that could potentially discriminate against or offend the audience based on race, ethnicity, gender, age, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, or other protected characteristics. Promote inclusive, respectful environments that help your audience feel valued.

The table below explains poor and improved business communication tone examples.

Tone Type	Poor Example	Explanation	Good Example	Explanation
Confident	"If hired, I hope to demonstrate how I could collaborate."	The tone lacks confidence, undermining the candidate’s value.	"If hired, I will demonstrate my excellent collaboration skills."	The tone is confident, emphasizing the candidate's superior qualities.
Polite and sincere	"Yeah, we can do it, I guess."	The tone is casual and lacks sincerity, diminishing commitment.	"Certainly! We are fully committed to delivering the project with excellence and meeting all your requirements."	The tone is polite, sincere, and shows strong commitment.
Professional	"Hey there, what's up? Here's the info you wanted."	The tone is informal and lacks professionalism.	"Dear [Recipient], I hope this email finds you well. Please find attached the requested information. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out."	The tone is professional, using appropriate salutations and language.
Inclusive	"This software is designed for people like you, who aren't tech-savvy."	The tone is condescending and excludes the reader from the target audience.	"Our user-friendly software is designed to meet the needs of all users, regardless of their technical expertise."	The tone is inclusive, welcoming all users and highlighting the software's ease of use.

In summary, competent business communicators maintain an audience-focused tone that enhances communication and fosters a respectful and productive business relationship. On the other hand, poor tone can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and negative perceptions of the communicator and the organization they represent.

In Conclusion

The principles, examples, and tips in this chapter provide a blueprint for you to follow as you draft consequential business emails, documents, and presentations.

Demonstrate respect for your audience: write unified, coherent, well-developed, short paragraphs. Apply the rules of style and tone to enhance your credibility and improve the overall communication experience for your audience.

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Learn More

Bold citations are referenced in the chapter text.

Articles

Garner, Bryan A. “Write E-mails That People Won't Ignore.” Harvard Business Review, February 21, 2013. Accessed August 2021.

Books

Canavor, Natalie. Business Writing in the Digital Age. Los Angeles: SAGE Publications, 2012.

Garner, Bryan A. HBR Guide to Better Business Writing. Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing, 2012.

Strunk, William I. The Elements of Style. 4th ed. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson, 1999.

Zinsser, William. On Writing Well. 30th ed. New York, NY: HarperCollins, 2006.

Websites

Purdue Online Writing Lab. “ Prepositions for Time, Place, and Introducing Objects.” Accessed August 2023.

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